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Question set

Monthly relationship check-in questions

Twelve questions, twenty minutes, once a month. Take turns and fix nothing on the spot.

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Date night ideas filtered by energy and mood, with a movie night suggestion and a saved idea

A check-in is a short, regular conversation about how the two of you are doing. It works because it is small and it repeats, so nothing has to wait for an argument to be said.

How to run it

  • Pick a time and keep it. The first Sunday of the month, after dinner.
  • Twenty minutes, phones away.
  • Take turns. One asks, the other answers, then swap. Listen to the end of the answer.
  • Fix nothing on the spot. Note what comes up. Choose one thing to act on at the end.

The month just gone

  1. What was the best moment we had this month?
  2. Was there a moment you felt I was not there for you?
  3. What did I do that you would like more of?

Time

  1. Did we have enough time together that was not chores or logistics?
  2. Did you have enough time to yourself?
  3. Is there something we keep meaning to do and never book?

Closeness

  1. Did you feel close to me this month? When most?
  2. Is there anything about affection or sex you would like to be different?
  3. Is there something you have wanted to say and held back?

The month ahead

  1. What is coming up that will be hard, and how can I help?
  2. What is one thing we will plan, with a date?
  3. What should we stop doing?

When a question is hard to ask

Question 8 and question 9 are the ones people skip. If saying it feels like too much, say that first: "There is something I want to raise and I am nervous about it." Or rehearse it out loud beforehand.

In Silk

Silk has conversation starters for the nights you want one question, and date night ideas by mood and energy for question 11.

Updated 11 November 2026.

Questions

What should we ask in a relationship check-in?

Ask about the month just gone, the time you had together, how close you felt, and the month ahead. Three questions in each group is plenty.

How often should couples do a check-in?

Monthly is a good default: often enough that nothing builds up, and far enough apart that there is something to say.

How long should a check-in take?

About twenty minutes. Put a limit on it so it stays a habit and does not turn into a summit.

More guides

ExplainerHow often do couples have sex?What one large survey found, and why an average is a poor target. ExplainerHow often should you get tested for STIs?What the CDC says, and what to write down after a test. ListIntimacy journal promptsFifteen prompts, for two or for one.

All guides

A private log for intimate wellbeing

Silk is on the App Store, for iPhone.

Download Silk on the App Store AppleApp of the Day from the creators of murmur and Layered